Episode 661: Givers & Takers /第661集: 付出者與索取者

 第661集: 付出者與索取者

"付出者收獲 "並不意味著你應該期望從捐贈中獲得立即的經濟回報。它意味著，只要付出足夠的努力和時間，你的慷慨將通過你的人脈網絡得到多次回報。

"付出者收獲 "也不意味著你應該成為Taker的受害者。對那些重視給予的生活方式的人，要自由地給予。用辨別力避開那些不重視的人。

如果你已經給BNI的會員朋友們引薦了好幾個人，但沒有收到任何引薦，請安排1-2-1的時間，並儘可能詳細地準備好你傳遞給他的引薦人。翻閱這些引薦信，詢問他們的結果如何。

如果這些引薦人都沒有變成生意，請問你如何能給更好的引薦人。

如果其中任何一個引薦結果是好的，並變成了業務，請告訴對方您很高興他們提出了建議。在問你如何能讓他們更容易地把人引薦給你之前，先停一下。要具體說明什麼對你來說是好的引薦，以及如何將你引薦給他們的客戶和聯繫人。

一位BNI會員向Misner博士報告說，他嘗試了這種技術，並在很短的時間內得到了另一位會員的引薦。

分享您與會員同事之間關於您給他們引薦的對話的故事，以及這些故事是如何實現的。

本集由Ivan's Inner Circle贊助。今天就成為創始會員吧

第661集完整版

Priscilla:

大家好，歡迎回到BNI官方播客。我是Priscilla Rice，我現在從加州伯克利的Live Oak錄音室為您播報。我今天在電話中加入的是BNI的創始人和首席願景官，Dr. Ivan Misner。你好， Ivan，你今天好嗎？

Ivan:

我做得很好，Priscilla，非常感謝你。今天的主題我叫 "付出者和索取者"。很明顯，它圍繞著 "Givers Gain "的理念。 Givers Gain是關於先給別人，這是一個標準，你應該適用於自己，而不是你打別人的棍子。

在這一背景下，付出者不能也不應該期望他們的投資能在 "付出者收獲 "的基礎上立即得到回報。他們應該關注的是，只要付出足夠的努力和時間，他們的慷慨將通過他們的人脈網絡、朋友、同事、BNI分會成員以多種不同的方式多次得到回報。35年前，我將Givers Gain®的理念融入BNI，因為我看到許多網絡團體的方法過於市儈。他們把面對面的網絡當作面對面的冷淡電話。當時我相信，現在我也知道，人脈關係就是建立關係，而建立關係的最好方法之一就是先幫助別人。

通過付出，你可以得到很多不同的收穫。我也認識到，世界上存在著接受者。我想做這個播客，因為每時每刻我都會有人對我說，"我在和一些人打交道，我認為他們只是為了自己，而不是為了付出。” 因此，我認識到世界上有索取者，有些人要么不了解Givers Gain的力量，要么根本不關心或不相信這個概念。

那些不在乎或不相信的人，我將其分為兩類：“不會做”和“不想做”，我在播客上討論了幾次。在這種情況下，不會做的人，只是不知道如何做某件事，或者他們不明白為什麼要做某件事。對於這些人，我了解到，如果有正確的指導，他們可能會變得願意做出這種轉變。還有一些人是不想做的人。他們只想得到對自己最有利的東西，而無意付出。盡快認識他們很重要，因為他們會濫用這種關係，而不是培養這種關係。所以，這裡的重點是，生活，當然也包括你的BNI分會，需要辨別力。有時候，這就是評估你網絡中的人，他們是否願意為你的關係做出貢獻。

這就是辨別力的作用。這一點很重要：付出者收獲並不意味著你應該成為索取者的受害者。讓我重複一遍。付出者收獲並不意味著你應該成為一個犧牲者. 世界上充滿了付出者和索取者。所以要運用情境的洞察力，運用適當的判斷力，對生活中重視給予方式的人，自由地給予。對於不重視的人，要用辨別力。

我認識一位成員，在18個月的時間內向其小組中的某人進行了六次引薦，但此人從未獲得回報，該名男子來找我。 我指導他做以下事情； 我說：“邀請該人參加一對一會議，並為會議做準備，盡可能詳細地介紹您提供的六份引薦信。”

我可能在之前的一次播客中簡單地提到了這一點，但我想在這裡更詳細地介紹一下。我說："去開會的時候，要準備好關於六個引薦人的盡可能多的細節，而不是和他們坐在一起，這是常見的，然後說：'嘿，我已經給了你六個引薦人，你還沒有給我任何引薦人。從你給他的引薦信開始。

從最年長的開始，問以下問題。 "它是怎麼做到的？是否變成了生意？如果有，是否如你所願？這段關係也成功了嗎？" 用開放性的問題來確定該介紹人的工作效果如何。我說："幾分鐘後，對下一次引薦做同樣的工作，然後是下一次引薦，以此類推，直到你討論你給那個人的所有引薦。" 現在，這裡是你的辨別力需要微調的地方。

如果你給這個會員同伴的引薦都沒有達到你想像中的效果怎麼辦？那你就要問他，你以後怎麼才能給他更好的引薦？因為問題不在於他們，問題在於你可能給他們的引薦質量。所以，在你說 "嘿，也給我一些引薦人吧。"之前，你可能要先提高你的引薦人的質量。

然而，如果其中任何一個引薦結果是好的，並可能帶來業務，那麼採取以下策略；告訴對方，你真的很高興，你給的引薦結果很好。

然後停頓一下，花點時間說："既然有些對你有用，如果你能為我做一些類似的事情，我會非常感激。也許我們可以談一談我如何幫助你做到這一點。" 並從那裡開始，與對方談論什麼是對你來說好的引薦，他們如何將人們引薦給你，甚至深入研究他們可能有的具體客戶，這對你來說是一個好的引薦。

這是我給這位先生的建議。幾週後他又來找我，他說他很高興自己聽從了我的建議，而不是直接結束這段關係，或者只是生氣，不給他任何引薦。他告訴我，此人在談話中深表歉意，並承認這需要是一種雙向關係。

他說，他們談了很久，如何與他互惠，就在過去的幾週內，他已經做到了。他說這位先生給我的介紹是一個非常大的介紹，最後是一個很好的客戶。所以，這就是我想告訴你的，如果您正在與某人交流或想與他人交流，而您認為他們可能是索取者，請先了解一下。

跟他們說說你給的推薦，用我剛才跟你分享的那些問題問他們效果如何，如果效果好，那就讓他們知道，如果他們能給予回報就更好了。

有時候我發現，人們在生活中太忙了，以至於他們根本沒有考慮到建立一種對等關係的重要性。有時候他們不知道如何去做，有時候他們也不在乎。這三種情況都需要辨別，而這種辨別需要不同的應對策略。如果他們不知道怎麼做，這和他們不在乎的反應大不相同。他們不在意--那是一個索取者。如果他們不知道怎麼做，那麼你就要告訴他們怎麼做。所以你的付出精力應該集中在那些與互惠需求一致的人身上。他們可能會也可能不會直接回饋給你，但在你繼續盲目地演變成一個付出的受害者之前，要觀察他們的行為。

我想，你有更多的能量去付出，你就能付出更多的東西，在你有強大的關係的地方給予更多的東西，讓你能夠以健康的方式去實踐這個哲學。我相信，我知道我之前在播客裡說過，Givers Gain是關於脫下你的圍兜，穿上圍裙。這是關於服務他人。這是關於通過先幫助別人來建立關係。這就是我今天的主題，付出者和索取者。 Priscilla，有什麼想法嗎？

Priscilla:

哦，這是偉大的。我覺得你說的很好。我沒有什麼特別要補充的。

Ivan:

好吧，謝謝你， 如果你正在聽這個播客，在這裡放一個評論，如果你有任何形式的對話與某人，當你與他們坐下來，並與他們談論你已經給的引薦，並問他們是否可以回報，我想聽你的故事。在BNI播客上分享你與人對話的故事，以及它是如何轉折的，如果沒有，現在就去試試。在接下來的一兩週內嘗試一下，然後再來這個播客上發布你的結果。我真的很想聽你的結果。

在我們結束之前，Priscilla，我知道你會提到Ivan的內心世界，它是BNI播客的贊助商。這是我與會員進行教練的網站，它是對外開放的。

我只是希望BNI成員知道我捐贈了我100％的利潤。 我從這家公司那裡獲得版稅，這是另一家運營它的公司，但是我確實收到版稅，並且我將我的版稅的100％捐給了慈善機構。 目前，這是我向BNI基金會捐贈的全部利潤。 如果有人決定要加入Ivan的Inner Circle，那麼現在我們將舉辦大約二十場網絡研討會，而我為Inner Circle舉辦了私人Facebook Live，而任何想參加的人都可以自由參加 請訪問www.IvansInnerCircle.com。 回到你Priscilla。

Priscilla:

好吧，這聽起來是個好機會。我希望我們的一些BNI會員能接受你的建議。所以，我想Ivan已經覆蓋了它！我們有我們美好的贊助商，去看看。我們有我們精彩的贊助商www.IvansInnerCircle.com，去看看吧。非常感謝你的收聽。我是Priscilla Rice，我們期待您下週再次加入我們的節目，觀看另一集精彩的BNI官方播客。

Episode 661: Givers & Takers

June 24, 2020 by Ivan Misner 8 Comments

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Synopsis

“Givers Gain” does not mean that you should expect an immediate financial return from giving. It means that given enough effort and time, your generosity will be returned by and through your network of contacts many times over.

“Givers Gain” also does not mean that you should be a Taker’s victim. Give freely to those who value a giving approach to life. Use discernment to avoid the ones who do not.

If you have given several referrals to a fellow BNI member and not received any, schedule a 1-2-1 and come prepared with as much detail as possible about the referrals you passed to that person. Go through these referrals and asked how they turned out.

If none of those referrals turned into business, ask how you can give better referrals.

If any of those referrals turned out to be good and turned into business, tell the person that you’re really glad that they worked out. Pause before asking how you can make it easier for them to refer people to you. Be specific about what makes a good referral for you and how to refer you to their clients and contacts.

One BNI member reported to Dr. Misner that he’d tried this technique and gotten a great referral from the other member within a very short time.

Share your stories about the conversations you’ve had with fellow members about the referrals you’ve given them and how those worked out.

This episode is sponsored by Ivan’s Inner Circle. Become a founding member today!

Complete Transcript of Episode 661

Priscilla:
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to The Official BNI Podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello, Ivan, how are you today?

Ivan:
I am doing fantastic, Priscilla, thank you very much. Today’s topic I call “Givers and Takers.” It obviously revolves around the philosophy of Givers Gain. Givers Gain is about giving to other people first, it’s a standard that you should apply to yourself, not a stick that you hit other people with. Within this context, the giver cannot and should not expect an immediate return on their investment based on Givers Gain. What they should focus on is that, given enough effort and time, their generosity will be returned by and through their network of contacts, friends, colleagues, fellow BNI members many times over and in many different ways. I incorporated the philosophy of Givers Gain® into BNI 35 years ago because I saw that many networking groups were just far too mercenary in their approach. They use face to face networking or in person networking as a face to face cold calling opportunity. I believe then, and I know now, that networking is all about relationship building, and that one of the best ways to build a relationship is to help others first. Through giving, you can gain in so many different ways. I also recognize that there are takers in the world. And I wanted to do this podcast because every now and then I have someone say to me, “I’m dealing with somebody who I think is just in it for them and they’re not giving.” So I recognize that there are takers in the world, there are people who either don’t understand the power of Givers Gain or who don’t really care or believe in the concept.

The people who either don’t care or don’t believe, I put into two categories “Can’t Do’s” and “Won’t Do’s”, which I’ve talked about a few times on the podcasts. The Can’t Do’s in this context, just don’t know how to do something or they don’t understand why it’s important to do something. For these people, I’ve learned that with the right coaching, they may become willing to make that transition. Then there are the people who are the Won’t Do’s. They just want what serves them best and have no intention of giving. It’s important to recognize them as soon as possible, because they will abuse the relationship, not nurture it. So, the point here is that life, and certainly your BNI chapter, requires discernment. Sometimes, that is about evaluating the people in your network and whether they’re willing to contribute to your relationship. This is where discernment comes into play. This is important: Givers Gain does not mean you should be a takers victim. Let me repeat that: Givers Gain does not mean you should be a takers victim. The world is full of givers and takers. So apply contextual insight and use appropriate judgment to give freely to the people who value the giving approach in life. Use discernment for the ones who do not.

I know a member who gave a half a dozen referrals to someone in his group over an 18 month period, but the individual never reciprocated and the man came to me seeking advice. I coached him to do the following; I said, “Invite the person out for a One-to-One meeting and come prepared to the meeting with as much detail as possible about the half a dozen referrals that you gave.” I may have mentioned this briefly in a previous podcast, but I want to go into more detail here. I said, “Go to the meeting prepared with as much details about the six referrals as you can recall and instead of sitting down with them, which is common and say, ‘hey, I’ve given you six referrals, you haven’t given me any.’ Start with the referrals you’ve given him. Start with the oldest and ask the following questions. “How did it work out? Did it turn into business? If so, was it as much as you had hoped? Did the relationship work out as well?” Use open ended questions to determine how well that referral worked out for the individual. I said, “After a few minutes, do the same for the next referral, and then the next referral, and so on until you discuss all the referrals that you’ve given that individual.” Now, here’s where your discernment needs to be fine tuned. What if all those referrals you gave this fellow member didn’t work out like you thought? Then you need to ask the person how could you give better referrals in the future? Because the problem is not them, the problem is the quality of referrals that you may be giving them. So before you say, “Hey, give me some referrals, too.”, you might want to improve the quality of your referrals.

However, if any of those referrals turned out to be good and possibly resulted in business, then take the following tack; tell the person that you are really glad that the referrals that you gave have worked out well. Then pause and take a moment and say, “Since some of them have worked out for you, I’d really appreciate if you could do something similar for me. Maybe we could talk a little bit about how I can help you do that.” And from there, talk to the person about what a good referral is for you, how they can refer people to you, and even dive deeper into specific clients that they may have that would be a good referral for you.

That was the advice I gave this gentleman. He came back to me a few weeks later and he said he was so glad he followed my advice, rather than just end the relationship or just be mad and not give him any referrals. He told me the individual apologized profusely in the conversation and acknowledged that this needed to be a two way relationship. He said that they spoke at length about how he could reciprocate with him, and just within the last few weeks, he had already done so. He said the referral that the gentleman gave me was a really big referral and it ended up being a great client. So this is what I would tell you if you were talking, or thinking about talking, to somebody about reciprocating and you think they may be a taker, find out first. Talk to them about the referrals you gave and ask them how they worked out using those questions that I just shared with you, and if they worked out well, then let them know that it would be nice if they could reciprocate.

Sometimes I find that people are so busy in life, that they’re just not thinking about the importance of having a reciprocal relationship. Sometimes they don’t know how and sometimes they don’t care. All three require discernment and that discernment requires a different response strategy. If they don’t know how, it is a much different response than they don’t care. They don’t care – that’s a taker. If they don’t know how, then it’s important for you to show them how. So your giving energy should be focused on people who are aligned with the need for reciprocity. They may or may not be able to give back to you directly, but observe their behavior before you continue to blindly evolve into a giving victim. The more energy you have for giving, I think, the more you are able to give, and giving more where you have strong relationships makes you able to practice this philosophy in a healthy way. I believe, and I know I’ve said this in the podcast before, Givers Gain is about taking off your bib and putting on an apron. It’s about serving others. It’s about building a relationship by helping people first. And that’s my theme for today, givers and takers. Priscilla, any thoughts?

Priscilla:
Oh, that was great. I think you covered it really well. I don’t have anything particular to add on.

Ivan:
Okay. Well, thank you. And so I would love for you, if you are listening to this podcas,t to put a comment in here if you’ve had any kind of conversation with somebody when you sat down with them and talked to them about the referrals you’ve given and ask if they could reciprocate, I’d like to hear your stories. Share here on BNI Podcast, your stories about having conversations with people and how it has turned around, and if it hasn’t, go try it right now. Try it over the next week or two, and then come back to this podcast and post your results. I’d really like to hear your results.

Before we wrap up, Priscilla, I know you’re going to mention Ivan’s Inner Circle and it is the sponsor of BNI Podcast. And I really love doing the Inner Circle. It is a site where I’m doing coaching with members and it’s open to the public. I just wanted BNI members to know that I donate 100% of my profits. The royalties that I receive from this, it’s another company that runs it, but I do receive royalties and I give 100% of my royalties to charity. At this time, right now, it’s the BNI Foundation that I’m donating all of my profits to. Should anyone decide they want to be a part of Ivan’s Inner Circle- and right now we have about two dozen webinars that are up, and I do private Facebook Lives just for the Inner Circle, and anyone who wants to participate in that, feel free to go to www.IvansInnerCircle.com. Back to you Priscilla.

Priscilla:
Okay, that sounds like such a great opportunity. I hope some of our BNI members take you up on it. So I think that Ivan has covered it! We have our wonderful sponsor www.IvansInnerCircle.com and go check it out. Thank you so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice and we look forward to having you join us again next week for another exciting episode of The Official BNI Podcast.

https://www.bnipodcast.com/2020/06/24/episode-661-givers-takers/