Separating the Givers From the Takers / 將付出者與索取者分開

 將付出者與索取者分開

Givers Gain®的理念是先給予他人。在此背景下，付出者不能也不應該期望他們的投資能立即得到回報，因為他們的投資是基於他人的收益。他們應該關注的是，只要付出足夠的努力和時間，他們的慷慨就會通過他們的人脈、朋友和同事網絡，以不同的方式，以不同的方式多次回報。

幾乎在35年前，我就將 "Givers Gain "的理念融入到BNI中，因為我看到很多人脈團體的做法太過市儈。他們把人際關係網作為一個面對面的冷場機會。我當時相信，現在我也知道，人脈關係是建立關係的關鍵，而建立關係的最好方法之一就是先幫助別人。通過付出，你可以在很多方面有所收穫。我也認識到，這個世界上也是有付出者的。有些人要麼不理解 "付出者收穫 "的力量，要麼就是不真正關心或不相信這個概念。我把這兩類人稱為 "不能做的 "和 "不會做的"。

"不能做的 "和 "不會做的"

不能做的人不知道如何做某件事情，或者不明白為什麼要做某件事情。對於這些人，我了解到，如果有了正確的輔導，他們可能會變得願意做這種轉變。

然後是那些 "不會做的人"。他們只想得到最適合自己的東西，並沒有真正的付出。盡快認識到他們是很重要的，因為他們會濫用這種關係，而不是培養這種關係。

生活需要辨別力。有時候，那就是評估你的人脈中的人，評估他們是否願意為你的關係做出貢獻。付出者的收穫並不意味著你應該成為 "接受者的受害者"。世界上充滿了付出者與被給予者。運用情境的洞察力，用適當的判斷力，對生活中重視付出方式的人無償給予。對那些不重視付出的人，要用辨別力。

Givers Gain^®

我認識一個人，在18個月的時間裡，他在自己的網絡群裡給人介紹了半打的人，但這個人從來沒有得到過回報。這個人來找我尋求建議。我輔導他做了以下幾點.....

邀請對方出來進行一對一的見面，見面時要有備而來，盡可能詳細地介紹你所介紹的六種情況。從年齡最大的那個人開始，問以下問題。結果如何？是否轉化為商業利潤？如果是，是否如你所希望的那樣？這段關係的效果好嗎？用開放性的問題來確定那個轉介紹人的效果如何。幾分鐘後，對下一個人做同樣的問題，然後再做下一個，以此類推，直到你討論你給那個人的所有引薦人。

什麼是好的引薦？

這裡是你的鑑別力需要微調的地方。如果你給這個人做的那些引薦，並沒有像你想的那樣成功呢？那你就需要問問這個人，你將來如何才能給他更好的引薦。但是，如果這些引薦的結果是好的，可能會帶來生意，那就換個思路。告訴對方，你很高興你所做的推薦人的效果很好。然後停頓片刻，說："既然其中一些人對你有效果，如果你能為我做類似的事情，我真的很感激。也許我們可以談談我如何幫你做這件事。"

從這裡開始，和對方談一談什麼是好的引薦，他們如何把人介紹給你，甚至深入到他們可能有的特定客戶，可能是你的好引薦。

在我輔導的那個人開完會後，他回來找我，說他很高興他聽從了我的建議，而不是直接結束這段關係。他告訴我，那個人"深深地道歉了，然後承認這需要一個雙向的關係。我們聊了很久，談了很多關於他如何回報的問題，他已經這樣做了。他剛剛給我的引薦人變成了一個大客戶！"

互惠關係

有時候，人們在生活中忙得不可開交的時候，根本就沒有考慮到對等的關係的重要性。有時候，他們不知道如何去做，有時候他們也不在乎。這三者都需要分辨力，而這種分辨力需要不同的應對策略。你的奉獻精力應該集中在那些與互惠需求相一致的人身上。他們不一定能直接回饋給你，也不一定能直接回饋給你，但在你繼續盲目地演化成一個施捨的受害者之前，要觀察他們的行為。

你有越多的精力去付出，你就越有能力去付出。在你有強大關係的地方給予更多的奉獻，使你能夠以健康的方式實踐這一理念。 Givers Gain®就是脫下圍兜，穿上圍裙。它是通過幫助他人來建立一種關係。

Separating the Givers From the Takers

The philosophy of Givers Gain^® is about giving to other people first. Within this context, the giver cannot and should not expect an immediate return on their investment based on another’s gain. What they should focus on is that given enough effort and time, their generosity will be returned by and through their network of contacts, friends, and colleagues — many times over and in many different ways.

I incorporated the philosophy of Givers Gain into BNI almost 35 years ago, because I saw that many networking groups were far too mercenary in their approach. They used networking as a face-to-face cold-calling opportunity. I believed then, and I know now, that networking is all about relationship-building, and that one of the best ways to build a relationship is to help others first.  Through giving, you can gain in so many ways. I also recognize that there are takers in the world. There are people who either don’t understand the power of Givers Gain or who don’t really care or believe in the concept. I call these two categories of people “can’t do’s” and “won’t do’s.”

The “Can’t do’s” and “Won’t do’s.”

The can’t do’s do not know how to do something or do not understand why it’s important to do something. For these people, I’ve learned that with the right coaching, they may become willing to make that transition.

Then there are the people who are “won’t do’s.” They just want what serves them best and have no true intention of giving. It’s important to recognize them as soon as possible because they will abuse the relationship, not nurture it.

Life requires discernment. Sometimes, that is about evaluating the people in your network and whether they are willing to contribute to your relationship. Givers Gain does not mean you should be a “taker’s victim.” The world is full of givers and takers. Apply contextual insight and use appropriate judgment to give freely to the people who value the giving approach in life. Use discernment for the ones who do not.

Givers Gain^®

I know a man who gave a half a dozen referrals to someone in his networking group over 18 months, but the individual never reciprocated. The man came to me seeking advice. I coached him to do the following…

Invite the person out for a one-to-one meeting, and come prepared to the meeting with as much detail as possible about the six referrals you gave. Start with the oldest and ask the following questions: How did it work out? Did it turn into business profit? If so, was it as much as you had hoped? Did the relationship work out well? Use open-ended questions to determine how well that referral worked out for the individual. After a few minutes, do the same for the next one, and then the next one, and so on, until you discuss all of the referrals you’ve given that individual.

What is a good referral?

Here is where your discernment needs to be fine-tuned. What if all those referrals you gave the individual did not work out as you thought? Then you need to ask the person how you could give better referrals in the future. However, if any of those referrals turned out to be good and possibly resulted in business, take a different tack. Tell the person that you are really glad the referrals you gave worked out well. Then pause a moment and say, “Since some of them worked out for you, I’d really appreciate it if you could do something similar for me. Maybe we could talk a little bit about how I can help you do that.”

From there, talk to the person about what a good referral is for you, how they can refer people to you, and even dive deeper into specific clients they may have that may be a good referral for you.

After the person I coached had his meeting, he came back to me and said he was so glad he followed my advice, rather than just end the relationship. He told me the individual “apologized profusely and then acknowledged this needed to be a two-way relationship. We spoke at length about how he could reciprocate, and he has already done so. The referral he just gave me turned into a big client!”

Reciprocal Relationships

Sometimes people are so busy in life they are just not thinking about the importance of having a reciprocal relationship. Sometimes they don’t know how, and sometimes they don’t care.  All three require discernment, and that discernment requires a different response strategy. Your giving energy should be focused on people who are aligned with the need for reciprocity. They may or may not be able to give back to you directly, but observe their behavior before you continue to blindly evolve into a giving victim.

The more energy you have for giving, the more you are able to give. Giving more where you have strong relationships makes you able to practice this philosophy in a healthy way. Givers Gain^® is about taking off your bib and putting on an apron. It’s about building a relationship by helping others first.

https://ivanmisner.com/separating-givers-takers/