Episode 652: Tell Me Exactly What to Say / 第652集：準確地告訴我該說什麼
第652集：準確地告訴我該說什麼
Debby Peters，Connext Nation的創始人，過去25年來一直是BNI的成員，本週她和Misner博士一起在播客中談論她的新書《Tell Me Exactly What to Say》。
這本書的概念是在一個學生讓她演示如何在他的網絡中介紹兩個人相互認識的時候誕生的。當她開始示範的時候，他讓她放慢腳步，讓她把自己說的話準確地寫下來。
這本書為20種不同的對話模式，從做自我介紹到演講後如何與演講者建立聯繫。 (總是有一個具體的點來讚美他們，並提出一個具體的問題，表明你的注意力)。
這是一本很好的書，既適合新的BNI會員，也適合經驗豐富的BNI會員，因為他們可能仍然會遇到不知道該說什麼的情況。你可以在亞馬遜上訂購這本書。
本集由Ivan的內心世界贊助。今天就成為我們的創始會員吧!
第652集完整記錄
Priscilla:
Ivan：
Priscilla，我過的很棒，今天播客中有一個好朋友。 我認識Debby已經25年了，Debby Peters。 她有數十年的銷售員銷售經理和銷售培訓師經驗。 她還是我多年以前開發的認證網絡計劃的執照培訓師。 2009年，她創立了Connext Nation，並撰寫了“推薦連結”課程，以幫助商務人士提高他們的推薦關係。 她寫了一本新書，我很喜歡這個書，書名叫《Tell Me Exactly What to Say》，我很高興贊同。 她已經擔任BNI會員近25年了，我很高興今天能將她加入BNI播客。 黛比，歡迎來到播客。
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Ivan，非常感謝你。我真的很榮幸能和你一起做這個。
Priscilla:
太好了。謝謝你們倆的精彩信息。這個播客的讚助商是Ivan的內心世界。去查看一下 www.ivansinnercircle.com 的精彩內容吧。Ivan已經收集了各種有趣的話題，供大家學習和參與。非常感謝您的收聽。我是Priscilla Rice，我們期待著下週再次邀請您加入我們的官方BNI播客節目。
Episode 652: Tell Me Exactly What to Say
Debby Peters, founder of Connext Nation and a BNI member for the past 25 years, joins Dr. Misner on the podcast this week to talk about her new book, Tell Me Exactly What to Say.
The concept of this book was born when a student asked her to demonstrate how to introduce two people in his network to each other. When she began to demonstrate, he asked her to slow down so he could write down exactly what she said.
The book models 20 different conversations, from making introductions for how to connect to a speaker after a presentation. (Always have a specific point to compliment them on and a specific question that shows you paid attention.)
This is a great book both for new BNI members but also for seasoned BNI members who may still run into networking situations where they don’t know what to say. You can order it on Amazon.
Complete Transcript of Episode 652
Priscilla:
Hello, everybody and welcome back to the official BNI podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan. How are you today?
Hello, everybody and welcome back to the official BNI podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan. How are you today?
I am doing fantastic, Priscilla, and I have a good friend on the podcast today. I’ve known Debby for 25 years, Debby Peters. She has decades of experiences as salesperson sales manager and sales trainer. She was also a licensed trainer in the Certified Networker Program, which I developed man,y many years ago. In 2009, she founded the Connext Nation and wrote Referral Pursuit as a course that helps business people to hone their referral relationships. And she’s written a new book, which I love the title that’s called Tell Me Exactly What to Say, which I was very happy to endorse. She has been a BNI member for almost 25 years, and I’m really pleased to have her on BNI Podcast today. Debbie, welcome to the podcast.
Debby:
Thank you so much, Ivan. You really know a lot more about me than I thought that you did.
Thank you so much, Ivan. You really know a lot more about me than I thought that you did.
Priscilla:
I either have a good team or you gave people good information. I learned a long time and I knew much of this. You know, you must have joined BNIwhen you were 18.
I either have a good team or you gave people good information. I learned a long time and I knew much of this. You know, you must have joined BNIwhen you were 18.
Ivan:
Thank you. Yeah, it’s true this 25 years. Well, I love the book. I love the title, Tell Me Exactly What to Say. And it’s all about networking. And what could you share with the BNI members and listeners? So why did you write this book?
Thank you. Yeah, it’s true this 25 years. Well, I love the book. I love the title, Tell Me Exactly What to Say. And it’s all about networking. And what could you share with the BNI members and listeners? So why did you write this book?
Debby:
Well, it’s really interesting because I have a couple business partners. Now my son and my daughter in law. We’ve merged our businesses in 2018. And my daughter in law is our CEO and her big vision is having us do content a lot more. And so she told my son, Greg, to write a second book and she looked at me and said, “All right, Debbie, write your first.” I dragged my heels for about a year and then I was teaching one of my classes and one of my students, Rick Atkins, asked me how do I get back in front of people that I’ve already met? And I said, “Well, do you have someone in your network that you need to introduce to that person? Simple. Yeah. I said, “Well, why don’t you introduce the two to each other? You know, it’s a win for everyone.” And he said, “Well, I don’t know how to do that.” And I’m like, “What do you mean, you don’t know how to do that?” He’s like, “I don’t know how to introduce two people to each other.” Now, Rick is an accountant by education. So I just started demonstrating the way to introduce two people to each other, taking both sides of the conversation in class. And Rick said, “Wait, wait, wait, stop, slow down. I have to write this down word for word, because I need to know exactly what to say.” So that’s how it got started.
Well, it’s really interesting because I have a couple business partners. Now my son and my daughter in law. We’ve merged our businesses in 2018. And my daughter in law is our CEO and her big vision is having us do content a lot more. And so she told my son, Greg, to write a second book and she looked at me and said, “All right, Debbie, write your first.” I dragged my heels for about a year and then I was teaching one of my classes and one of my students, Rick Atkins, asked me how do I get back in front of people that I’ve already met? And I said, “Well, do you have someone in your network that you need to introduce to that person? Simple. Yeah. I said, “Well, why don’t you introduce the two to each other? You know, it’s a win for everyone.” And he said, “Well, I don’t know how to do that.” And I’m like, “What do you mean, you don’t know how to do that?” He’s like, “I don’t know how to introduce two people to each other.” Now, Rick is an accountant by education. So I just started demonstrating the way to introduce two people to each other, taking both sides of the conversation in class. And Rick said, “Wait, wait, wait, stop, slow down. I have to write this down word for word, because I need to know exactly what to say.” So that’s how it got started.
Ivan:
Nice. So can you give some examples of the kinds of things that you’re telling people to say? And tell me exactly what to say?
Nice. So can you give some examples of the kinds of things that you’re telling people to say? And tell me exactly what to say?
Debby:
Well, the first one, obviously, is that example that Rick asked for, and that is, how do you introduce two people to each other and I guess I assumed that everyone knew how to do that. But a young woman just recently, who is fairly new to the business world said that she had just found but when she introduces to people that she needs to say, more than just their names, and so I demonstrated, you know, like, “Hi, Greg. This is Ivan, I would love for the two of you to meet. Let me tell you why you need to know Greg. He’s a wonderful person. He’s a keynote speaker. And you and he have that karate in common. And, Greg, this is why you should know Ivan…” So then I fill in the details about you, and then say, “Okay, so why don’t you to start with talking about karate, because I know you have that in common.” So it’s a pretty easy process but evidently not everyone knows that.
Well, the first one, obviously, is that example that Rick asked for, and that is, how do you introduce two people to each other and I guess I assumed that everyone knew how to do that. But a young woman just recently, who is fairly new to the business world said that she had just found but when she introduces to people that she needs to say, more than just their names, and so I demonstrated, you know, like, “Hi, Greg. This is Ivan, I would love for the two of you to meet. Let me tell you why you need to know Greg. He’s a wonderful person. He’s a keynote speaker. And you and he have that karate in common. And, Greg, this is why you should know Ivan…” So then I fill in the details about you, and then say, “Okay, so why don’t you to start with talking about karate, because I know you have that in common.” So it’s a pretty easy process but evidently not everyone knows that.
Ivan:
Yeah, they don’t. What I like about what you’re talking about is that you’re focusing on overlapping areas of interest, which is one of the reasons why develop the gains exchange Yes, to get people talking about areas of interest. So they can find that purpose is to find overlapping areas of interest. So if you know both people, you may know some things that they’re both interested in. And that makes a perfect example of what to say when you’re introducing people is those overlapping areas of interest because then they can start a dialogue much easier. So how did you? How did you arrive at all the conversation topics that you have in the book?
Yeah, they don’t. What I like about what you’re talking about is that you’re focusing on overlapping areas of interest, which is one of the reasons why develop the gains exchange Yes, to get people talking about areas of interest. So they can find that purpose is to find overlapping areas of interest. So if you know both people, you may know some things that they’re both interested in. And that makes a perfect example of what to say when you’re introducing people is those overlapping areas of interest because then they can start a dialogue much easier. So how did you? How did you arrive at all the conversation topics that you have in the book?
Debby:
Well, I, you know, I sat down and thought about it. And I came up with five or six, and I wrote the six of them and then basically hit a wall, but I was too embarrassed and didn’t want to tell anyone that I had. And so I was, I was with my son, we were on our annual camping trip, and we both kind of were riding our bikes. They said, “So mom, how’s it going with the book?” And I’m like, “Well, to be real honest, it’s not.” So he sat down with me and helped me and we brainstormed. He came up with probably another 10 that I could write. And then I have a board of action for my company that meets on a monthly basis. And so after those 16 I went to them and said, “All right, I need help. Tell me other conversations that you would like to have documented, that you think would be helpful,” and they probably gave me 30 more of which obviously, I didn’t read all of them. So between Greg and my board of action, they really contributed a lot to the book. Wow, that’s that’s amazing. I have in effect you crowdsourced it and in large part of the I guess I did, that’s it. That’s a no I didn’t know I was doing that. Thank you, Ivan.
Well, I, you know, I sat down and thought about it. And I came up with five or six, and I wrote the six of them and then basically hit a wall, but I was too embarrassed and didn’t want to tell anyone that I had. And so I was, I was with my son, we were on our annual camping trip, and we both kind of were riding our bikes. They said, “So mom, how’s it going with the book?” And I’m like, “Well, to be real honest, it’s not.” So he sat down with me and helped me and we brainstormed. He came up with probably another 10 that I could write. And then I have a board of action for my company that meets on a monthly basis. And so after those 16 I went to them and said, “All right, I need help. Tell me other conversations that you would like to have documented, that you think would be helpful,” and they probably gave me 30 more of which obviously, I didn’t read all of them. So between Greg and my board of action, they really contributed a lot to the book. Wow, that’s that’s amazing. I have in effect you crowdsourced it and in large part of the I guess I did, that’s it. That’s a no I didn’t know I was doing that. Thank you, Ivan.
Ivan:You did face to face, you crowdsourced. And I gotta tell you, I’ve had a lot of luck crowdsourcing things with BNI both online with with Facebook, to some extent, Twitter, but also LinkedIn and on the podcast and my blog, on a number of places. I’ve said, “Hey, you know, share your story or give me your examples. And I have filled in the blanks in a lot of my books by asking people, and you know, I’m supposed to be like one of the world’s leading experts on networking, but you just there are some things that you just don’t think of, and experiences that maybe you haven’t had. So that’s when you ask other people, you get great feedback. And it sounds like that’s exactly what you did, which helps to make, I think, a great book, and makes it come alive.
Debby:
Because it’s real, you know, it’s not me trying to figure out something that’s concocted or can put together.
Because it’s real, you know, it’s not me trying to figure out something that’s concocted or can put together.
Ivan:
Right. So how to be in I help you in writing this book. You’ve been a member for 25 years. Yeah. How did it help you write this?
Right. So how to be in I help you in writing this book. You’ve been a member for 25 years. Yeah. How did it help you write this?
Debby:
Well, probably 25 years of one to one meetings had something to do with this. And, you know, I mean, it’s just all those experiences. But interestingly, I think all but two people on my board of action of which there are 10 people or BNI members, so obviously, that that was a huge contribution. And just sitting down and chatting with all the people in the big network. Everyone always has a question because even though you are the expert of the world, people think that I have the answer here in Northwest Ohio. I’m a little smaller, you know, my, my kingdom is a little smaller than yours. And so people come to me with these questions. And so, you know, we both have to learn together sometimes.
Well, probably 25 years of one to one meetings had something to do with this. And, you know, I mean, it’s just all those experiences. But interestingly, I think all but two people on my board of action of which there are 10 people or BNI members, so obviously, that that was a huge contribution. And just sitting down and chatting with all the people in the big network. Everyone always has a question because even though you are the expert of the world, people think that I have the answer here in Northwest Ohio. I’m a little smaller, you know, my, my kingdom is a little smaller than yours. And so people come to me with these questions. And so, you know, we both have to learn together sometimes.
Ivan:
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so I think it’s interesting that you, a number of your people in BNI are on your advisory board. I think it’s brilliant. I think more BNI members should have advisory boards, where they have key, either key customers or clients or good business associates that participate with them on the board. I’ve done that with our international board of advisors for 30-34, 35 years. I started the board in 1986. And I’ve had a lot of success with that. And it sounds like that’s been helpful for you.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so I think it’s interesting that you, a number of your people in BNI are on your advisory board. I think it’s brilliant. I think more BNI members should have advisory boards, where they have key, either key customers or clients or good business associates that participate with them on the board. I’ve done that with our international board of advisors for 30-34, 35 years. I started the board in 1986. And I’ve had a lot of success with that. And it sounds like that’s been helpful for you.
Debby:
It’s been great. They helped me actually, in my board, as I’m sure the international I know the international board is fluid so it’s not the same people all the time. But my board nine years ago helped me to write and and be part of the manual that I wrote for Referral Pursuit and also one of the one of the members helped me to name the company.
It’s been great. They helped me actually, in my board, as I’m sure the international I know the international board is fluid so it’s not the same people all the time. But my board nine years ago helped me to write and and be part of the manual that I wrote for Referral Pursuit and also one of the one of the members helped me to name the company.
Ivan:
Oh, nice. Okay. Well, look, BNI members always need introductions. And so I really felt this would be a great topic for being a podcast. Tell us where people can get the book.
Oh, nice. Okay. Well, look, BNI members always need introductions. And so I really felt this would be a great topic for being a podcast. Tell us where people can get the book.
Debby:
So the, it’s really easy, they can just go to Amazon and type in Tell Me Exactly What to Say. And if they’re a Prime member, they can do “buy now”.
So the, it’s really easy, they can just go to Amazon and type in Tell Me Exactly What to Say. And if they’re a Prime member, they can do “buy now”.
Ivan:
Excellent. And they’ll look for Debby Peters. And that’s spelled with a Y, BB Y. That’s right, Peters. Yes. And if members want to go to your website, that website is connextnation.com. And they can find out a lot of other information, anything else from the book that you’d like to share. We’ve got another couple of minutes. Anything else that you’d like to share that would help BNI?
Excellent. And they’ll look for Debby Peters. And that’s spelled with a Y, BB Y. That’s right, Peters. Yes. And if members want to go to your website, that website is connextnation.com. And they can find out a lot of other information, anything else from the book that you’d like to share. We’ve got another couple of minutes. Anything else that you’d like to share that would help BNI?
Debby:
Remember one thing that people asked me a lot, not necessarily from the book, but who should read this book. And by the way, I jokingly call it the bathroom book because I know you’ve had it in front of you, you know, you can read a chapter in about five minutes. You know, but certainly BNI members and certainly new BNI members, it can be helpful to them- but also the older, more seasoned members that, you know, may find that one conversation like what do you say to when you’re at a conference and you want to speak to the speaker may be helpful to them. I think new college grads also. And then sales managers can use this book as an educational tool when they’re having their their Monday morning sales meetings with their sales team.
Remember one thing that people asked me a lot, not necessarily from the book, but who should read this book. And by the way, I jokingly call it the bathroom book because I know you’ve had it in front of you, you know, you can read a chapter in about five minutes. You know, but certainly BNI members and certainly new BNI members, it can be helpful to them- but also the older, more seasoned members that, you know, may find that one conversation like what do you say to when you’re at a conference and you want to speak to the speaker may be helpful to them. I think new college grads also. And then sales managers can use this book as an educational tool when they’re having their their Monday morning sales meetings with their sales team.
Ivan:
I’m gonna put you on the spot here. Can you give us one example from one of those different scenarios that you just gave?
I’m gonna put you on the spot here. Can you give us one example from one of those different scenarios that you just gave?
Debby:
So you mean, who should read it? Or another comment, I know what to say
So you mean, who should read it? Or another comment, I know what to say
Ivan:
In terms of one of those examples that you just give.
In terms of one of those examples that you just give.
Debby:
Okay, so like speaking to the speaker, or talking to the speaker after they made a presentation. So I recommend, first of all, you know, listen so that you have heard what they’ve had to say and then go up and say, “This is this is something that I found was so helpful for me to hear how you talked about being positive even in the face of the Coronavirus coming in, that this is how you stay positive and how you continue to work forward. I do have one question though.” And so you ask the question and then you shut your mouth and listen and then ask another question. I say, you know, maybe two or three questions at the most, because other people will be waiting to speak to that speaker. But also you can ask for their email, they’re just like us. They, as you know, you speak all the time, you want to hear that you’ve made a difference in someone’s life. So when someone can email you and tell you after they’ve spoken to you, wow, that was great. It’s even better. So that’s the conversation.
Okay, so like speaking to the speaker, or talking to the speaker after they made a presentation. So I recommend, first of all, you know, listen so that you have heard what they’ve had to say and then go up and say, “This is this is something that I found was so helpful for me to hear how you talked about being positive even in the face of the Coronavirus coming in, that this is how you stay positive and how you continue to work forward. I do have one question though.” And so you ask the question and then you shut your mouth and listen and then ask another question. I say, you know, maybe two or three questions at the most, because other people will be waiting to speak to that speaker. But also you can ask for their email, they’re just like us. They, as you know, you speak all the time, you want to hear that you’ve made a difference in someone’s life. So when someone can email you and tell you after they’ve spoken to you, wow, that was great. It’s even better. So that’s the conversation.
Ivan:
That’s a great example. One thing I want to emphasize is you want to go up prepared to talk about something specific. I remember telling this true story told us speaker that was a great job. And he said, “What did you like most?” And I left my notes back at my table and I go up there with a specific thing in mind. And I’m like, “Oh, it was just, I was so surprised.” And I you know, I felt like I was drinking water from fire. And I didn’t have an answer. I felt like an idiot. So yeah, that’s a good secret. You have a very specific topic that you want to talk to him about. Well, we’re out of time. I would urge you to check out Debbie’s book at Amazon and connextnation.com is your website. You remember Debbie, thank you so much for being on the podcast today.
That’s a great example. One thing I want to emphasize is you want to go up prepared to talk about something specific. I remember telling this true story told us speaker that was a great job. And he said, “What did you like most?” And I left my notes back at my table and I go up there with a specific thing in mind. And I’m like, “Oh, it was just, I was so surprised.” And I you know, I felt like I was drinking water from fire. And I didn’t have an answer. I felt like an idiot. So yeah, that’s a good secret. You have a very specific topic that you want to talk to him about. Well, we’re out of time. I would urge you to check out Debbie’s book at Amazon and connextnation.com is your website. You remember Debbie, thank you so much for being on the podcast today.
Debby:
Ivan, thank you so much. I’m really honored to be doing this with you. My pleasure.
Ivan, thank you so much. I’m really honored to be doing this with you. My pleasure.
Priscilla:
That’s great. Thank you both for the great information. The sponsor for this podcast is Ivan’s Inner Circle. Go check out the great content available at www.ivansinnercircle.com. Ivan has assembled a variety of interesting topics for you to learn about and participate in. Thank you so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice and we look forward to having you join us again next week for another exciting episode of the Official BNI Podcast.
That’s great. Thank you both for the great information. The sponsor for this podcast is Ivan’s Inner Circle. Go check out the great content available at www.ivansinnercircle.com. Ivan has assembled a variety of interesting topics for you to learn about and participate in. Thank you so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice and we look forward to having you join us again next week for another exciting episode of the Official BNI Podcast.
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